Over-Mod Boys – a sub-category of mic-eaters. Their voice peaks are badly clipped, and the magic of the CODEC preserves the full splendor of their horrid audio signal.

Nose-Puffers – as they exhale vigorously at the end of each transmission. Often also mic-eaters, these are surely morbidly obese dudes who are out of breath simply from the effort of holding in the PTT button, such that the last bit of air they have left after talking for 20 seconds is blasted directly into the mic just before they un-key and gasp desperately for their next gulp of air.

General Mic-Eaters – every “P” (or other plosive) blasts distortion. Every “S” (or other sibilant) scratches like dragging a Red Solo cup across 65-grit sandpaper. Heaven forbid these lids ever get on HF SSB – what a mess of harmonics they’d emit.

Good Buddies – folks who can’t let go of the CB lingo, e.g.

• “handle here is Dick” – just say “my name is Dick”
• “personal over here is Dick” – just say “my name is Dick”, and you can’t be anywhere but where you are, so the “over here” bit is just dumb
• “got your ears on?” – just sell your radio
• “10-4” – just drive over your radio with your lifted pickup truck.

Jargon Junkies – which affects all manner of voice ops (bands, sub-modes), but is especially amusinoying on Digital Fusion wherein, if the voice going into the mic is crystal clear, the voice decoded at the other end is crystal clear. These fellas like to say “Yeah, QSL, QSL” and such. Dude, just converse like a person. Like you’d talk to a neighbor or co-worker. I mean, you never say “ACK, ACK” just because you also use computer networking, do you?

There is absolutely a situation where QSL is the correct thing to ask or respond: on CW (i.e. Morse Code) when the signal is difficult to read, in order to confirm the message was understood – because there is good reason for doubt. It’s commonly also used during difficult SSB conversations, but I’d suggest that “Roger! Roger!” is more clearly understood via voice, particularly over static on sideband.

Log Fetishist – I hear two guys on ––––AMERICA–LINK who have both explained that their equipment is connected directly by WiRES-X, such that neither is making a radio transmission at all. Near the end of the conversation, one will make a big point to say “I’m going to log this QSO on QRZ.com, if you don’t mind confirming that.” Logging it in any way only makes sense to me if you also keep a log of phone calls. But really, who in their right mind would log a telephone call, and also expect the other person to somehow confirm?

Dude – just talk to people, possibly make friends. Relax. There was no radio operating skill, antenna building skill, nor long distance propagation luck involved. The point of logging and confirming is to prove something difficult or unlikely was – against significant odds – nevertheless achieved. If I dial your phone number from, oh I don’t know, any telephone anywhere, and you answer it and say “Hello?”, it is not impressive.

Radio Check Bait-&-Switchers – It goes about like this…

RCB&S: “KD1CK Radio Check?”

Me: (waits several seconds, ‘cuz I’m actually working, don’t have time to get pulled into a long QSO, & I’m hoping someone else will confirm Dick’s gear is actually working and can be heard, then) “Loud and clear, n0mql.”

RCB&S: “N0MQL, thanks, this is KD1CK. I’m in Podunk, Kentucky, running a (some radio) through a (some hotspot). It’s 65 degrees & breezy here right now. Where are you? What are you running?”

Me: (not transmitting again)

Here’s the thing – if you just want to have a chat with anybody anywhere, there’s an internationally accepted way to do that. It’s called “calling CQ”. It’s not that hard. So here’s what you do:

Dick: “CQ CQ KD1CK, Podunk, KY.”

(wait a bit… if nobody answers, repeat the above at least 3x before assuming your equipment might not be working, and if there’s still no answer…)

Dick: “KD1CK Radio Check?”

Me: “Loud and clear, n0mql.”

Dick: “Thank you. KD1CK, calling CQ, from Podunk, KY.” (notice: leaving me the heck out of it)

CQ-Phobia Sufferers – This one is not a peeve, but just an amusing observation. I literally heard the following in the “room” called ––––AMERICA–LINK yesterday:

Guy 1: “(callsign) monitoring on America Link.”

Guy 2: (seconds later) “(callsign) monitoring.”

Guy 3: (seconds later) “(callsign) listening.”

Guy 1: (seconds later) “(callsign) monitoring.”

Fortunately, before this could go ’round the horn a full second time, some 4th person chimed in and called for a specific other (5th) station, the other station responded, and they talked for a few minutes.

But the 1st 3 guys were the Amateur Radio equivalent of me at any High School dance where I wasn’t running sound and/or lighting (which I usually was). Stand on the periphery & suffer the internal battle of what might be worse – some girl coming up to talk to me… or not (it was always not). This is why I became a floor guard & DJ at the local roller rink. Loved music, loved skating, but didn’t have to skate with a partner (most of the time).